Here- this is what I put in the letter to a whole mess of people:

Friends,

It is with great enthusiasm that I tell you about my intention to become a full time freelance graphic designer.

As most of you are aware, I've been essentially working two jobs for ten years now; and in the last three added the extra burden of two kids. This has taken a huge toll on me. The time has come (probably a long time gone, actually) for a few changes. I've been investigating some potential opportunities, originally with the goal of eliminating the freelance work and putting my full creative energies into a regular 9 to 5 schedule. The job interviews I've had have been terrific and worthwhile, and I thank all those folks who gave me their time. In these interviews I would stress the experience I've gained and work I've done as a freelance designer. Inevitably, the question would come up, "Obviously you like the freelance work- why don't you just do that full time?" I never had a very good answer to that question.

After thinking about it for a while, it seems like a pretty easy decision. I never really wanted to give up the freelance work, I just thought I needed to for my own sanity and physical well being. Of course, all this time it was the excellent clients and fun work I do for them in the middle of the night that has kept me going, and realizing that I could actually do this stuff during the day has been liberating.

Long story short- got projects? I'm your guy. Thanks for everything, you're all great. I look forward to hearing from you!

So that's that then. Obviously, I did not get the Step2 gig; I lost out to (I suspect) a female. During my otherwise spectacular interview there, she did mention that her ideal candidate would probably be a woman to replace the one that left in order to maintain the balance of her department. Had I been hired it would have been 4 dudes and one chick in there, and they do a lot of toys for little girls. The Step2 lady did say I was definitely the #2 choice, and to keep in touch, blah blah blah. That was a bummer, but only for a little while. Because then I decided that working for other people is for suckers! Do I look like a sucker to you? PLEASE OH GOD DON'T ANSWER.

I'm going out on my own. BUT- I get to ease into it. I'm gonna cut back to 2 days at the current day job & keep my health insurance. I have no startup costs outside of advertising, since I have been collecting all the necessary tools for years. I have zero overhead beyond what I already carry. I have a solid client base with lots of growth potential. There's all sorts of upside here people! Why do you look so concerned? Stop it! It is unnerving!

And LOOK! The New Jan Brady!-

OOH! BUSINESS!!!

And a new look website that I demand you go to and see IMMEDIATELY. Please? Granted, it is much like the old website, but with the new logo and color scheme, as well as a shifted focus. By that I mean I added the desperate (but very fancy) HIRE ME! button, which changes it from being the portfolio site to the HIRE ME! site. This is actually sort of an in-between website at this point, it will get the job done until I get the new one going.

Scared? Me? Nooo. YES! A little. But I didn't just jump into this decision without doing a little math first. Without trying to sound snotty I'll tell you that I do pretty well money wise in the freelance market. My rates are posted over at the site if you're curious, I guess there's no secrets there. Up until now this was just sort of a well paying hobby. I didn't have either the energy or the client base to build it into anything more than that. However, I've recently picked up some more work from another theater company (it seems non-profits are a really solid niche for me), and between them and some heavy projects that are available from current clients that until now I haven't had the time to take on, I have a head start. But the math is crazy. I can make so much more money and work far fewer hours just by picking up a few more regular freelance jobs than I ever have killing myself at this day gig followed by allnighters. And I don't think this will be all that hard to do, since I've never solicited work from anyone ever before- all my clients have come to me from word of mouth alone. Just by posting some stuff at coroflot or craigslist and distributing some of my bitchin' new rack cards I made up I know I can pick up new work fast. Hopefully most will continue to come via personal recommendations. Those are the best sorts of customers- the chances of them paying are much MUCH higher than some jerk off the street that I don't know anything about. OH! I HATE that guy.

Woooo. To get all this going though, I'm going to be a bizzy frickin' bee for a while. I feel I need to collect some big checks and get ahead a little before I can cut back to two days at this job. Or, perhaps someone will lead me to their Pot O' Gold and I can just do whatever I want. I'm thinking allnighters for a few months is more likely though. Ouch. If I seem extra grouchy it is just because I've gone insane.

But enough of this. Here's what you came here for- my song recommendation! It was really tough narrowing it down because The Black Keys have put out so much quality material lately (I highly recommend the new album Attack & Release, and I never buy whole albums anymore), but I think this one works- If You Ever Slip. It is on the soundtrack to a movie I've never heard of & will never see. I'm sure it's awesome.

Another one? Okay! (Don't Speak) I Came To Make A Bang by The Eagles of Death Metal. It will be the song that plays whenever I come to the plate in all my Major League Baseball games. The crowd will really get whipped up! I'm your Fabulous Weapon!!! I guess this song was also featured in a movie I have not heard of and will never see but am sure is awesome as well.

Speaking of songs- I think it is a bad sign of being too old when the tunes that you used to play during sex in college are now the tunes that your kids fall asleep to. Mazzy Star just isn't the same. I can't tell you how depressed this makes me.

Let's see- TV? Sure. LOST is tits, I think we went over that a few posts ago; 30 Rock is the best comedy ever, seriously- we aren't worthy to watch it. The Venture Brothers is set to start up again in June (and NO I won't watch the five minutes of some new episode that is posted online. I can wait.). Battlestar Galactica (that's BSG for those of us in "the know" wink wink you nerd) is strangely uplifting because no matter how awful I feel about anything I know the poor douchebags stuck out in the void crammed into that big iron brick have it way worse. Those are the shows I watch. Oh yeah! South Park. Duh.

IRON MAN! That's gonna be good, yes? I've heard some things.

Now, Jesus Plates. I should point out that I do not post images of holy license plates to poke fun. Much. I am just very fascinated, that's all.

The sticker on the upper right reads "HARD CORE JESUS FREAK". That is completely badass.

And I believe that brings us to the end of this entry. Thanks for tagging along, you're all the shiniest people I can find.

PS- OH SNAP! I forgot to tell you about The Hermaphrodite! That is a whole fucking THING you have GOT to hear. Next time I promise.

Tags: I Am Professional Blog Resurrection Hold me- I'm scared License Plates

I'll play your little game, the P@. You goad-herder. I shan't repeat the long intro, because it's all "Ernest Hemingway did this so it is super awesome blah blah blah," NO. It's your life in six words. That's the rules. This should be a post over at the BG BTW, maybe it is, I haven't checked. Anyway, technically I did this years ago:

Half Man. Half Machine. ALL MAN.

Oh yeah, that one's going on the tombstone. More? Okay:

Can't say I'm proud of everything.

Scratches the itch mostly in private.

Introspection isn't always the best idea.

The boogers, sadly, have been prevalent.

Sometimes up, sometimes down, always bewitching.

I'm supposed to tag five people to do this, but I'm pretty sure the five people who read this blog already did it. But I call upon enigmatic Channy to do it here in the comments if she so chooses. And also Barack Obama. We'll finally see what that dude is made of.


Next time on Cranky Matty... HERMAPHRODITE!!!

Tags: Pals Meme morgue Where's Channy?

The interview I had at Step2 was TREMENDOUS!!! Verily! They are a big company... a big toy company. It's in a big beautiful corporate facility. You walk in to this new steel & glass building and there's a big ol' reception desk (complete with receptionist) and big ol' lobby area; and there's phone's ringing and people in suits walking around purposefully- all like you'd expect to see in the building of a big company. But then you look around and see that there are toys everywhere! SO GODDAM COOL! I feel like I grew up and became Tom Hanks.

The woman who interviewed me (and would be my boss) was just too nice, and we hit it off immediately. The work is fun! Marketing and labeling and decorating and branding and packaging of toys. You know- for the kids! And not shitty toys either, really nice toys. Did I mention they make toys there? HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!? And they have fun company stuff, like dart tournaments at lunchtime and on-the-job bowling parties. Dental!

It would appear the job is mine if I want it. She told me she has a few more interviews scheduled, but then told me I'd fit in perfectly and we started negotiating salary. So I think I'll get an offer.

The commute is an issue. 40 minutes on the nose with no traffic. However, it is way, WAY out of town- I'd be going the opposite way rush hour traffic goes. Also, there's the kids- gonna have to do a lot of juggling there with my family.

But this place is dreamy. They make toys.



BTW: I'm posting this from Fatburger. My keyboard needs a real good hosing now.

Tags: I Am Professional They Make Toys!

This morning I got a call back on my voice mail from Step2, which is a company that produces rugged high end plastic toys and stuff for kids. We have a Step2 wagon that is totally boss. The kids like it plenty and it has a cup holder for my beer when we're at the zoo. It's perfect, and makes a great Halloween costume.

CHOO CHOO!

I was really excited when I applied for this design job two weeks ago (it seems right up my alley), and then disappointed when I didn't get a call back like the next day. Seriously people, I'm an incredible superstar! I don't have time OR PATIENCE to be waiting around for phone calls! Little did I know that large companies probably take a little longer to get around to call backs than tiny companies do. I've never worked at a big company before. But, I'm up for this job now so it's all good. The biggest drawback to the Step2 gig would definitely be location. They are in Hudson, which is about 45 minutes to an hour away. That's not a big deal as far as commutes go, but when you figure I'm already using $60 bucks worth of gas a week now just with all the extra driving we have to do for all Casey's school and therapy & junk, it is significant. I'd have to rearrange some stuff- maybe my Mom can do some more pick ups or something, but if the job's good we'll do it.

I guess I should expect a call from American Greetings too. I applied for a job there the same day as the Step2 posting. I was really shocked that AG didn't respond immediately, they are notorious talent vampires. But, they are also a big company. With an atrium covered food court! I heart atriums and food. Also courts!

Tags: I Am Professional Kids Pictures